Short End of the Stick

                                               

Somewhere in medieval Europe two merchants bartered trade goods. Lacking currency and literacy to record the exchange, they fashioned a square stick with notches in it. Each notch representing a unit of value and the agreement marked so that they could split the stick so that each had a record for future settlement. The merchant with the greater value of goods got the long end or “Stock” and the one who owed a debt got the short end. Over time anyone not satisfied with the results of a trade would lament getting “the short end of the stick”.

Back in the 70’s dad and I bartered work for pay and I argued about, well, almost everything.  After protesting about my end of a deal, Dad quickly set me straight. He let me know that, “While the stick isn’t as long as you wanted, I have never given you the short end of the stick and you know it!” Dad lived out that principal with his church, his family, the Marines and his work. His example still provides a ruler for me these 40 years later. 

Nancy and I had roles in the reconciliation of marriages of four couples over our 34 years together. However, today we find ourselves supporting three wives as they consider dissolving their marriages due to a history of getting the Short End of the Stick from their husbands. All three men have perverted perspectives about how much they should invest in their family.

Okay, if the ‘Stick’ illustration doesn’t resonate with you how about a Voltmeter? That’s right the meter on your car’s dashboard that tells you the status of the charging system. For you wanna-be motor heads, simplistically, the electrical system on your car has a battery to store power, an alternator to make power off the revolutions of the engine and all the electrical components. The meter looks like this:

When the needle is straight up it says the system is replacing the 12Volts required and just a bit more. When it runs at almost 14Volts it is replenishing all the drain of the electrical components and recharging the battery. If the needle points to 10 or 11 Volts you have a discharge occurring, excessive drain, and unless things get better, you’ll be sitting along the side of the road. The car may still be together and look like a car buts it’s became a pile of parts at that point.

Your family needs 12Volts from dad to keep its lights on but that’s all 12Volts will do. Never confuse the minimum needed with generosity-it’s just enough to get by. Like the car battery, you kids and wife need 14 Volt effort to meet a temporary crisis and still recharge for tomorrow. If all you give is 10 Volts of effort then your marriage, you family, will soon be sitting on the side of the road going nowhere. It may still look like a family but it’s just a pile of parts too.

Okay so sticks and voltmeters don’t work for you, let’s go with words because they are powerful. Here are a few that show the stark, profound difference between the three levels of effort and investment:             

10 Volts	12 Volts	14 Volts
The Short End	Not an Inch More	The Longer End
Miserly	Fair	Bountiful
Pernicious	Wholesome	Extravagant
Neglectful	Attentive	Pursuing
Malevolent	Appropriate	Benevolent
Selfish	Considerate	Selfless
Demanding	Cooperating	Serving
Unfaithful	Faithful	Devoted
Disrespectful	Respect	Adore
Vindictive	Forbearing	Forgiving
Strict	Orderly	Indulgent
Manipulates	Participates	Leads
Burden	Duty	Opportunity
Deceptive	Honest	Integrity
Broken Promises	Needs Met	Dreams made

Now go back and instead of reading across the rows, read down the columns. Start with the center; the 12Volt column.  If you think being described with these words is good enough, I challenge you to consider if that is all you want from others. Then read down the right-hand column, the 14 Volt group, and most of us would hesitate to claim those adjectives but we may well ascribe them to the great people in our life and the deity we worship. Finally, read down the left hand column…Pernicious….Malevolent…Vindictive…Manipulative…and on the list goes describing the robbers and cheaters clothed in “Family Man” suits.  These rationalize, “that’s good enough for her.” They justify with, “that’s all I got when I grew up.”  The 10 Volt column is an ugly string of descriptives and far too many men operate in that column their entire lives.

Generosity begins beyond needs, past 12 Volts. It operates past the earned, deserved or rights. Beginning where self starts to die and sacrifice becomes routine; when dad’s end of the stick is no longer the long end. Generosity may be the most God-like quality man can emulate.

Surprising how many of us guys think ‘good enough’, 12 Volts, ½ a stick, is good enough when it really means we are doing only what we must do, have to, or legally obligated to. These dudes have rotator cuff soreness from patting themselves on the back.

Shocking, how frequently we encounter males with a slop bucket of poor excuses and stinky reasons why they’re entitled to cheat their brides and kids of anything more than a short ended stick, while cloaking themselves in a veil of respectability and decency. I was born 150 years too late. These ‘takers’ should be thrashed with their own stick and set in stocks in the public square with a sign over their heads-10 Volt loser.